OK so I'm driving home, listening to KCRW, catching up on all the mindblowingly depressing news going on these days. I'm impressed by how forthright and crystal clear the communique is from Ben Rhodes (Deputy NSA for Strategic Communications) on our participation in Libya (he should be the White House Press Secretary). I'm inspired by their story on Buzz Williams, the coach of dark horse NCAA men's bball team the Marquette Gold Eagles (eh?). And then I hear Evan Kleiman come on, and she introduces Jonathan Gold. Great.
You know how they say that when you shake a full bottle of water, it makes no noise, but that the half empty bottle's the loudest? Jonathan Gold is a half empty gallon jug of water. Which is to say, sure, he's bigger than a pint-sized container, and indeed he does hold more than a quart's worth of content, but somehow to those in the know he still comes off as more ignorant and clueless than he ought to be. Yeah he knows a bit about food, and has eaten his way around this city, but somehow he just... really doesn't know his shit. Which would be fine, honestly. I have no problem with a lack of knowledge; babies are dumb as bricks but I love them anyway because they aren't self-promoting, pretentious hacks. It's the way he's never just "Jonathan Gold"--he's always "Pulitzer Prize-winning food writer Jonathan Gold"--the way his fat face bloviates as the source of all gastronomic enlightenment; the way he and his enablers create this cult of personality around him, this thick mist of SoCal trendfucker pheromones that unfailingly attracts flocks of mindless groveling Angeleno "foodies"... it's disgusting.
OK so I'm being a bit harsh. And, to be sure, I'd rather go to a restaurant he recommends than one he dislikes. Maybe I'm seizing on this a little because... well because bitching about TEPCO or Gaddafi isn't likely to change anything one bit. But come ON, Gold!
On Good Food today, he discusses the newest, hippest, trendiest $$$$ Latin restaurant to open up in LA called Playa. I always find these discussions fascinating to picture in my head because Gold looks to me something like a long-haired, balding mix between Dwight Schrute and Philip Seymour Hoffman, and were he not "Pulitzer Prize-winning food writer Jonathan Gold," I'm not sure he could even get seated at half of these types of restaurants. Anyway, he's talking talking talking about this place when he starts to discuss Chef Sedlar's brilliant "new kind of entree" called "Maize Cakes". He says they're not quite like a tortilla and not quite like a huarache, and they're made daily from freshly ground corn which is something he's not sure anybody else does in this country does. Really? Really?
OK, first of all, they sound just like glorified open-faced arepas to me. Bitch I know you know what they are. These delicious Argentinian sandwich-like pockets of pleasure aren't that hard to find in LA (I can think of Bolivar Cafe in Santa Monica and Coupa Cafe in Beverly Hills), and you're fucking Jonathan Gold. Tortillas and huaraches? That's it? That's all the context you can muster?
Ok fine so arepas aren't always made from fresh corn daily, but guess what is? The chorreadas at Las Delicias in Van Nuys. Nobody else grinds corn daily in this country my ass... nobody else grinds corn daily and has the gall to sell tiny bit-sized entrees for $11 is more like it. The chorreadas at Las Delicias are delicious, crispy-on-the-outside, fragrant-and-moist-on-the-inside, fresh ground corn pancakes that you get at a fraction of the Maize Cakes' price and are twice as big. It's also true that these chorreadas don't come with pork belly confit or burrata cheese, but they do come with a cultured clotted cream called natilla that tastes almost like tangy yogurty cheesecake which complements rather than overwhelms the corn. And it's not like this is some obscure joint I discovered while chilling with my immigrant Costa Rican friends. This restaurant was highlighted by your colleagues at the LA Times and has been featured on the front page of yelp in a review written by yours truly. It's not that hard to get your head out of your own ass, Gold, you should try it some time.
See my number one consistent gripe with Gold is that he is just completely out of touch. I appreciate that he thinks of himself as a critic of the culinary arts, which is to say, he thinks of himself as some kind of art critic, valuing creativity and putting a quantifiable monetary premium on food that has it. But 1) he's totally out of touch with the relative costs of food since he doesn't pay for the shit he reviews and 2) the similarities between food and art are so superficial you have to be intentionally thick to functionally ignore the differences. Yes, he professes to enjoy the cheap and ethnic eats too, but you always get the sense that he does so only to accrue street cred like some Thierry Guetta of the food trucks. It's also clear as day that he judges foods that are exotic to him from a totally different platform than that which he judges things he feels he can claim to be his own. For example, traditional Ethiopian or Sichuan cuisine is great as is, but traditional French? Duck a l'orange? He'd speet in the kitchen's generál directión! Somehow, exotic foods must be exalted and protected as such, but simultaneously could never qualify as an "artistic" endeavor (I'd like to see him pay $350 for Chinese food). He's kind of a... neo-Romantic, Savanna-conquering noble-savage-loving food Rudyard Kipling.
Anyway, back to art vs food. Art can sometimes shock, terrify, sadden, disgust. Who the hell wants to eat disgusting or shocking food? Art is not utilitarian like food; food should be physically and spiritually filling, it should occupy a defined economic niche in the marketplace, and it MUST always be very tasty. Gold has stated himself that he loves restaurants that might hit or miss with their food, but are always trying to create something new. I dunno bout you, but I'd rather eat old-fashioned food that tastes good and is priced fairly than eat new food that is neither.
And since pictures are good and I can't find any of Las Delicias's chorreadas, enjoy a picture of a delicious cemita from nearby Cemitas Poblanas in Van Nuys.
You know how they say that when you shake a full bottle of water, it makes no noise, but that the half empty bottle's the loudest? Jonathan Gold is a half empty gallon jug of water. Which is to say, sure, he's bigger than a pint-sized container, and indeed he does hold more than a quart's worth of content, but somehow to those in the know he still comes off as more ignorant and clueless than he ought to be. Yeah he knows a bit about food, and has eaten his way around this city, but somehow he just... really doesn't know his shit. Which would be fine, honestly. I have no problem with a lack of knowledge; babies are dumb as bricks but I love them anyway because they aren't self-promoting, pretentious hacks. It's the way he's never just "Jonathan Gold"--he's always "Pulitzer Prize-winning food writer Jonathan Gold"--the way his fat face bloviates as the source of all gastronomic enlightenment; the way he and his enablers create this cult of personality around him, this thick mist of SoCal trendfucker pheromones that unfailingly attracts flocks of mindless groveling Angeleno "foodies"... it's disgusting.
OK so I'm being a bit harsh. And, to be sure, I'd rather go to a restaurant he recommends than one he dislikes. Maybe I'm seizing on this a little because... well because bitching about TEPCO or Gaddafi isn't likely to change anything one bit. But come ON, Gold!
On Good Food today, he discusses the newest, hippest, trendiest $$$$ Latin restaurant to open up in LA called Playa. I always find these discussions fascinating to picture in my head because Gold looks to me something like a long-haired, balding mix between Dwight Schrute and Philip Seymour Hoffman, and were he not "Pulitzer Prize-winning food writer Jonathan Gold," I'm not sure he could even get seated at half of these types of restaurants. Anyway, he's talking talking talking about this place when he starts to discuss Chef Sedlar's brilliant "new kind of entree" called "Maize Cakes". He says they're not quite like a tortilla and not quite like a huarache, and they're made daily from freshly ground corn which is something he's not sure anybody else does in this country does. Really? Really?
OK, first of all, they sound just like glorified open-faced arepas to me. Bitch I know you know what they are. These delicious Argentinian sandwich-like pockets of pleasure aren't that hard to find in LA (I can think of Bolivar Cafe in Santa Monica and Coupa Cafe in Beverly Hills), and you're fucking Jonathan Gold. Tortillas and huaraches? That's it? That's all the context you can muster?
 |
| arepas |
Ok fine so arepas aren't always made from fresh corn daily, but guess what is? The chorreadas at Las Delicias in Van Nuys. Nobody else grinds corn daily in this country my ass... nobody else grinds corn daily and has the gall to sell tiny bit-sized entrees for $11 is more like it. The chorreadas at Las Delicias are delicious, crispy-on-the-outside, fragrant-and-moist-on-the-inside, fresh ground corn pancakes that you get at a fraction of the Maize Cakes' price and are twice as big. It's also true that these chorreadas don't come with pork belly confit or burrata cheese, but they do come with a cultured clotted cream called natilla that tastes almost like tangy yogurty cheesecake which complements rather than overwhelms the corn. And it's not like this is some obscure joint I discovered while chilling with my immigrant Costa Rican friends. This restaurant was highlighted by your colleagues at the LA Times and has been featured on the front page of yelp in a review written by yours truly. It's not that hard to get your head out of your own ass, Gold, you should try it some time.
See my number one consistent gripe with Gold is that he is just completely out of touch. I appreciate that he thinks of himself as a critic of the culinary arts, which is to say, he thinks of himself as some kind of art critic, valuing creativity and putting a quantifiable monetary premium on food that has it. But 1) he's totally out of touch with the relative costs of food since he doesn't pay for the shit he reviews and 2) the similarities between food and art are so superficial you have to be intentionally thick to functionally ignore the differences. Yes, he professes to enjoy the cheap and ethnic eats too, but you always get the sense that he does so only to accrue street cred like some Thierry Guetta of the food trucks. It's also clear as day that he judges foods that are exotic to him from a totally different platform than that which he judges things he feels he can claim to be his own. For example, traditional Ethiopian or Sichuan cuisine is great as is, but traditional French? Duck a l'orange? He'd speet in the kitchen's generál directión! Somehow, exotic foods must be exalted and protected as such, but simultaneously could never qualify as an "artistic" endeavor (I'd like to see him pay $350 for Chinese food). He's kind of a... neo-Romantic, Savanna-conquering noble-savage-loving food Rudyard Kipling.
Anyway, back to art vs food. Art can sometimes shock, terrify, sadden, disgust. Who the hell wants to eat disgusting or shocking food? Art is not utilitarian like food; food should be physically and spiritually filling, it should occupy a defined economic niche in the marketplace, and it MUST always be very tasty. Gold has stated himself that he loves restaurants that might hit or miss with their food, but are always trying to create something new. I dunno bout you, but I'd rather eat old-fashioned food that tastes good and is priced fairly than eat new food that is neither.
And since pictures are good and I can't find any of Las Delicias's chorreadas, enjoy a picture of a delicious cemita from nearby Cemitas Poblanas in Van Nuys.
 |
| you could buy 2 of these for 1 Maize Cake |
No comments:
Post a Comment